Teleplay by John D. Beck & Ron Hart, Story by Erik Marino, Directed by Steve Zuckerman

Special guest star David Arquette as Mr. Smith

Guest starring Frances Bay as Mrs. Fitch, Taylor Negron as Mr. Ballard, Brian Haley as Officer Sweeney

Co-starring Preston Wamsley as Ronnie, Gregg Binkley as Mr. Parker, Bradley James as Coyote Man

"It takes a desert a hundred years to kill a cactus. How can a child do it over Labor Day weekend?" -Milsap

"I'm, uh, an Indian chief." -Mr. Smith
"Okay, Chief Dancing with Dockers." -Darryl

"Hey, aren't you gonna go put your costume on?" -Yvonne
"I'm wearing it. I'm going as a positive black role model." -Darryl

"I'm gonna scare those kids so bad they'll need more therapy than that little kid from 'Sixth Sense.'" -Darryl

"We're gonna let 'em feel all grown up for awhile, and then we'll reduce them to the sniveling babies that they are." -Darryl

"Hey, it occurs to me, you work for me, Satan, so come morning, you witches better have my money!" -Mr. Ballard

"C'mon, Dave, you can't get lost in the suburbs. We'll keep going east. We're bound to hit a Starbucks." -Darryl

"Hey, Dave, why are you still taping?" -Milsap
"I'm gonna sell it to Fox. They'll call it 'When Neighbors Attack.'" -Dave

"Video camera: $500. Fake cops, scared family and a Coyote Man: $2,000. Getting old lady to corroborate a ridiculous Coyote Man story: one fifth of gin. The looks on their faces: priceless." -Darryl